Part 6: And It Goes On... (Things about Love & Relationships)

To all my readers who have been following this interesting tale of love so far, thank you so much! And to the newbies reading this story, have an easy-breezy ride catching up with the previous parts!

HANDS OF TIME

The hands of time will never erase

The constant thoughts of you I will always embrace,

I yearn and dream one day again a single kiss,

Your touch, your smile, and so much more I always miss,

The hands of time, like the rolling clouds,

To have met my true love I will always be so proud,

Our love so vast like an open sea,

One day us together I know this between US is meant to be,

My heart, My Soul, My Body and Mind, I'll give them all to you,

Because you truly are the greatest Love I ever knew,

The hands of time, I pray past by fast,

My Love for you: pure, passionate, amazing and will forever last,

Pain replaced by bliss is surely on my mind

We will see this special love, is out of this word and one of a kind,

The hands of time, too bad we cannot turn back

But Hope, Faith and Love, those things we will never lack,

I vow to you, till the end of time you will always be,

The only woman who holds my heart and a custom made key,

The hands of time, will stop one day,

Before they stop there is one important thing to you, I will say,

If I should die before you do,

In the clouds or under ground, I'm not sure where, but trust I will be there waiting...for you

--

Poem by Ryan to Neysa

Everything is still great between us, except that we are not together. No, we did not break up. But we are in our respective worlds doing our responsibilities. Distance kills they say. But distance also brings two souls closer than it ever was. Ryan had to move out of his country for work related reasons. He may be back. He may not be back. I don't know. And at times I don’t want to know. Ryan is my true love. He feels the same about me too. In any relationship, the man and woman customize their personalities. Add, Delete, Shift+Delete at times. Make small compromises here and there. Bring in a certain amount of seriousness into themselves. Try to change past habits if it proves annoying to the other etc. But over the past few months, neither of us have ever changed our personalities or hid anything from each other. I mean it when I say this and you will know why soon. Faith and fidelity to us had more value from an emotional angle than the regular physical aspect. To me, sleeping with another man is not the problem. Sleeping with Ryan and having another man in mind - now there we have a problem. Ryan agreed with me on this. I never had to convince him on anything and vice versa. Whenever I shared my views, call it coincidence or being lucky he believed the same too. We have never changed anything about each other. We never had to for the unconditional, secure love and faith we had in one another. I fell in love with him for the way he is. Now all of a sudden how can I change him? That might even alter my love. On a completely different note although, I fail to understand why infidelity is always debated on the lines of cheating or sleeping with someone and so on. Even you know that sex is just physical and you don’t get emotional about it or something. Its just about the moment. Once done, the moment is gone. Its ironic how we conveniently merge physical with the emotional element and even sell it as a fact or a concept. Anyways, back to our story.  Every true love story might not end in a ‘happily ever after’. We just hope to be back together someday. Not for marriage, not to start a family, not to have kids. Just for each other. Just to live with each other and experience what the same old-yet-fresh magic of what it is to be us.

On that note, my story ends. With the end of this blissful year and a new year yet to unfold, I hope Ryan and Neysa make it, no matter what it takes. You might hear more about it in 2013 but that’s going to be the surprise element. Stay tuned and cheers!

Reconocimientos:

Thank you all for being such encouraging and patient readers throughout. Sorry if certain lines were grammatically incorrect, bad editing etc. When you translate your thoughts exactly in words mistakes are bound to happen. May be even now as I write this! But all the constructive feedback and enthusiasm from you guys made me completely overlook these factors and focus on unfolding this gripping tale. I cherished every moment of writing this story as well. Ryan and Neysa will remain my favorite characters of a true love story. All your unconditional support was always a tinge of surprise and a huge morale boost to me. Wishing all of you a fab and a fun new year 2013 ahead!

Did you like the story? Share in your thoughts! 

Party on,

Janz!

Part 5: Lesbian Lust & The Trust Game

It was hard to give up my 'fuck them and leave them' lifestyle. Simply hooking up once in a while is fairly innocent and meaningless, I always felt. Jenn, on the other hand disagreed. She said it was being slutty at its worst. Jenn and I have known each other for some years now. I never keep a record of dates and times and blah. That’s probably a reason why I don’t remember when I met Ryan. It doesn’t really matter you know. What matters are the experiences associated with it. Jenn is one of the very few people who had the gutsy guts to actually say things to me as it is. Jenn was a perfect hourglass figure. She is way older than me but looked too younger and anorexically chic. We were mostly weed-pals although I began doing drugs way before I met Jenn. So, it was a Saturday evening and we were hanging out smoking marijuana. Jenn can be unbelievably funny when she’s high. At times eccentric who probably lived on the edge of sanity. But it turned out to be neither this time. Jenn was not a very happy woman from the inside. She was bartending to earn a living and had to face a pile of shit. Jenn was on a rant and cry spree as she took longer and fuller drags. ‘Life happened and I got a little behind’, Jenn spoke and I realized it was my turn to stay quiet and hear it out. ‘We all want to wake up every morning and go to work thinking its going to be a good day right? But I know for the record everyday that there is going to be some dingy who walks into my bar to just ruin my day. Why are men such assholes? And guess what, they are men.. oh yes the boys who think because he is a male he can treat you however he desires because you are a woman. I control the fucking beer flow, I’m sure they know that too’. Jenn was on fire and I love to hear it out. Shit happens and no escaping it right! She is helplessly crying as she talks about an argument she had with a snobby looking 45 year old man sitting in her bar and the unexpected and highly unwanted happened. She leans close to my face, stares at my lips and breathed like a bull. I leaned back and turned my head. She kept talking and leaning in and probably preparing for a kiss in my mind. The tension was thick. She finally leaned in, slowly, forgot talking and just went for it. And she said ‘at your own risk’ before she put her lips on mine. Was I willing to submit? Was I moving away? The kiss was a lot different than the other countless forgotten kisses I have had in my life. Wow… that sure felt a bit weird but only later. I was attractive and I knew that. But it took a few moments for me to become aware of the fact that I was the object of flirtation right then. I turned and moved back saying ‘Ummm… not!’ Kissing is very enjoyable for everyone but this time I sure needed a few minutes before deciding. I had no freaking idea what I was going through. Is it the right thing to do? Why or why not? As I gazed at her motionless with these unanswered questions in mind, I could feel a hand moving up my legs. Jenn continued with her bold moves with no doubt and no fear. Wink, wink! She was trying to turn me from a man-chaser into a woman-worshipper in no time. It happened in different variations at different times and was most evidently a one-way traffic (from Jenn). It was when I puked outta booze that ‘it’ stopped abruptly. That was a definite turnoff. I’m not trying to come out clean of whatever happened, but I never really had that thing towards a woman quite honestly. I definitely find lotta pretty girls on the street as I walk, but I never get a feeling to do them. Jenn considered herself ‘straight’ until she got a taste of sapphic sexuality and reconsidered her identity. We never really talked about the why’s and how’s. Some things are better left unspoken. 

The Trust Game...

I had a glass of Merlot in one hand and this charming man by my side as we took a walk. This is life, I said to myself. This is a respectful relationship. One I needed from a long time. All these years I was going after men who clearly didn’t understand how to pleasure a woman. Ryan made me feel like a woman. Not like a childish girl with a squeaky voice. I felt secure and needed to live in the moment. ‘Wanna play the trust game?’ Ryan popped up a question in his deep sexy voice amidst the beautiful silence I was cherishing. I didn’t know what it really was but instantly agreed. I guess the whole objective is to test and see how far you can go with your partner. It’s a fairly simple game. When it was my turn, I had to stand in front of Ryan with my back turned and arms stretched out to each side. Then, without looking back or moving my feet, I had to fall backward, trusting that Ryan will catch me before I hit the ground. It sounds real simple, isn’t it? But not for me. I stood there for the longest time ever trying to build up the strength to fall, at least make a start. And when Ryan tried to reach out and hold me, I’d get scared and take a step back. Ryan was clearly the winner when it was his chance. He blindly closed his eyes and in a fraction of a second fell into my arms. He clearly knew I would be there for him. He was always brimming with confidence. Ryan asked if I believed him. And, of course, I always said I did and knew he will never let me fall be it in this game or in the game of life. But every time, I caught myself before Ryan reached my arms. So I believed, but didn’t yet trust. That was a bit disturbing to me now. 

And there came a bug in my head. 'Could this last forever?'

To be continued... 

Part 4: Things about Love and Relationships

So, I wanted to give it a shot. Everything might not end in a ‘forever’, but unless you give it a try you never know if there could be ‘a forever’.  For my date, I wore a pair of jeans with a lovely satin sleeveless top and mismatched accessories. Although, I kept modeling on dress after dress in my fashion paradise, I decided to keep it low-key. Ryan chose a nice, quiet restaurant as the venue. I parked my car and spotted him. He was smoking his third cigarette in a row to keep himself warm. Ryan noticed me getting out of my car and had this on-going smile as he walked towards me. Then the unexpected happens. He came up to me and kissed me. On my lips. You should have enough passion and courage to do your woman anywhere and everywhere without caring about other people around. And Ryan just proved it right! I was taken aback, confused and loved it all. We enjoyed the food, the wine and the spontaneous fun we shared. After a while, he shared a random thought. ‘Do you wanna go dancing with me?’ Ryan asked.  He knew the city and clubs around really well and I loved dancing. I instantly agreed. We picked up some common moves pretty quickly and the drinking-dancing combo is always lethal fun. There were quite a few of his female friends who came up to him trying to get close to him etc. But he always made it a point to introduce me to them. I still don’t know why. And they immediately kept a distance. Come on, its not even like I was his girlfriend u know. I used to and still keep telling him that its perfectly alright if any girl (even if its his ex) gets close or ask him for a dance. To me, as long as a man’s heart and mind is with me, nothing really matters. We didn’t know where all this was going but we wanted to see each other again. It was 1AM and I was nearly drunk. Drunk in the moment. He then walked me to my car kissed me again. Four drunken guys yelled out from a car ‘Take her home!’ We laughed and I left. It may not be the most spectacular date ever, but spectacular things happened after this date. 

We went on several dates later spending more and more time with just each other. Ryan’s unconditional love and trust right from the start was something I never saw in a man before. He is the greatest lover ever. Spending nights and weekends without him turned out nearly inevitable. It was just not the sex.“It's not who you want to spend Friday night with, its who you want to spend all day Saturday with.” a quote from the movie - Friends with Benefits was finally making sense to me. We never had even the slightest feeling of insecurity, suspicion, jealousy, feeling of losing each other at any time. That’s one of the USP’s of this relationship I felt. With all the men I was with, there was always some form of expectation, suspicion, false allegations and so much drama that I started to believe that may be all men and couples end up this way. But Ryan was evidently different. He hardly knew me but still trusted every breath of mine. I became his girl. I felt so proud of this identity. His clothes, cigarettes, liquor and other stuff slowly started piling up in my home. And we started living together but didn’t notice when it all began. I guess that’s how it happens everywhere. We were secure just being with each other. Neither of us believed in marriage but wouldn’t mind if we had to for the sake of society, family etc. Oh yes, he introduced me to his family. I neither spoke nor understood their native language. They still loved me. Ryan’s family said so many things that could only make me blush more. They felt that Ryan was happy in the true sense now amongst all the relationships and girls he had ever been with and only I am responsible for it. They were all so happy on what a beautiful girl he had chosen for himself. Ryan always held my hand no matter where we were. He just had to. He could never be away from me when he was with me. He was this amazing lover, a best friend in need, an innocent child holding me always, a real man confronting other men who tried anything nasty on his lady love. In short he was just everything. I loved all his shades, all his colors. 

The proposal….

Ryan proposed to me for love but it was not some one-knee-down formal sorts. We were at home listening to music. And he just broke down into tears thinking he can’t live without me no more. I didn’t have a clue on what was going on. With his head bent down and tears flowing from his eyes he uttered those three truly magical words. It’s very rare when a man cries. And when he does, he is damn serious about whatever it is. This had to be the most beautiful proposal ever. Unexpected, out of the blue, most natural, with a man’s head bowing down in front of his girl and the most genuine tears.. Need I say more? 

Then the lesbian encounter happens…

To be continued…

Part 3: Things about Love and Relationships

For the story so far, refer to my previous posts - part 1 & 2.

Although my name is not a popular first name, Ryan always found it sexy. Did I just say his name? Yes. He is Ryan and I am Neysa. I thought his identity should begin with my introduction. It’s not only appropriate but romantic too. So who am I? Describing yourself can be really tough and I’m going to be as unbiased as I can. For a clichéd start, I am a successful, independent woman with an above average intellect. But I was equally hopeless in finding a man for myself. It is an irony till date. Like every other girl I once believed some Prince charming would come into my life and sweep me away. But with clearly the wrong sense of judgment every time, I believed men were only supposed to be used. They were good for only one thing and I did a smartass job at using that thing well. However weird it was, I loved my philosophy. I still don’t remember how and when I first met Ryan. Neither was he my first love. But Ryan turned out to be everything I always needed, yearned and desired all my life from a man. Ryan was not great at a lot of things but he was the best at loving me. Rather than moving too fast, he wanted to get to know more of my inner personality also defined as learning’s from previous relationships. Was Ryan my One True Love? Was he supposed to be anything at all? The logical side of me told me to overlook his previous relationships and look at him in isolation. His past actually molded him into a balanced gentleman who knew all about a woman. How to move with a girl, woo her, pamper her, read a woman’s mind, put up with her drama and mood swings specially when a girl’s monthly friend visits her – he knew it all. Our first meeting was not some love at first sight day. It was just like any other normal day. But he could barely escape from my cheerful and radiant personality and was strongly attracted to my nearly perfect toned body with hazelnut eyes. We met daily where we talked little about ourselves. He genuinely seemed interested in my life unlike all the other men I knew. Slowly I realized we had many differences. But it was refreshing to know someone different from me. My perception of love differed from him. I thought I knew all about men and felt no man is ever worth it. So I followed the hop and jump logic with zero emotional drama and was doing fantastic. Ryan after being through all the long relationships still believed in true love and saw himself growing old with the woman he loved the most. The first time we ever fought was the first time he asked me out. Till then, we used to text, chat and talk. You know… same popular forms of communication. Why did we fight? And how does Ryan ask me out? Although we were still not a couple by then, we fought over something really trivial like all couples. I was upset. He was sorry. I was still upset. He didn’t know how to put that smile back on my face. Half a day was gone and I was still going strong. After a while I saw a bunch of sticky notes on my table. Each note had a message as I flipped over. These were the messages.... 

And as you notice in the image above, there were a few blank sticky notes. I knew it had to be Ryan. As I was flipping through each note I felt secretly happy. It was a small creative affectionate gesture and a valuable one. He deserved a reply back at least for putting up something as sweet as this, I thought to myself. I took a white paper and scribbled a message. Ryan noticed me walking towards him with something in hand. He knew it worked on me and felt like a winner, which he always will be for winning my heart. I knew I wanted to say something but instead just handed him the paper which had my message and the bunch of sticky notes. He was taken aback when he saw me give it back to him. But it was his turn to be surprised now. My message said 'FILL IN THE REMAINING STICKY NOTES TOO!' We still didn't speak a word during all these exchanges. The rest of the messages were like this.. 

It seemed like the best date ever already! And it indeed was...

To be continued... 

Part 2: Things about Life and Relationships

Check out -  The story so far

Broken hearts are most likely to rebound. After one year he met this incredibly hot young single mom who looked like a million bucks. She was tall with long, light-brown hair. Her slim frame despite being a mother of twins and vivacious green eyes made her look like a model. She was the prettiest of all the girlfriends he had including me. What he had and felt for her was pure lust. Dating a single mom was not a pretty scene if only he knew she was a mom. After a certain length of time she considered introducing her children to him. The fact that she concealed being a single parent could make or break their relationship. She had her own reasons and he tried not to be judgmental. He felt she is still a woman, though, and she has needs, wants and desires. He wanted to give it a shot to one of the toughest times of his adult adolescence. Somewhere he knew she would probably not be his One True Love. Everything about her was great except that he didn’t want a ready made family. She was into him too, a man younger than her by 8 years. He moved into her 3-bedroom apartment soon. It is important to pace yourself in relationships of this kind. But everything in life doesn’t go according to plan. Their romance was blossoming. His love curve was phenomenal from a childhood sweetheart to a single parent. Gradually he realized he wasn’t adult enough to handle this kind of commitment. He was unable to see himself as a father to someone else’s kids. This relationship was complicated right from the start. Dropping kids to school, bringing them back home, hiring a sitter was not always simple, concerns with the kid’s behavior, helping with household chores and blah blah. He needed a breather. Their relationship became a routine. He missed the newness in it. He was forced to grow up faster than ever before. It just wasn’t natural. Being a boyfriend dad was not cool at all. He finally decided to move out of the apartment and the relationship. Out of all the three relationships he’d been in, this was the easiest to move on. Sure he missed the biggest element in that relationship – the persistent physical desires single moms have. Now he was back with his family again. His mother was really happy, as she never liked his last girlfriend coz she was a mom to some other man’s children. 

Amidst all the relationship twists in his life, his education and career went haywire. He now wanted to focus on how to make things right. He got a decent job with a company, which helped him pay all his bills and expenses. He decided to prioritize things in life. First career, and then love. Experiences always take a man forward. His career was slowly getting better and steady. He was punctual, disciplined, and more responsible, saving money, learnt new things and started grooming himself more as a leader in the specialized team he was a part of. Most of them liked his company at work. That’s about his career, but what about love life? He had been through so many long relationships and casual ones hoping to find the right one. He was single and back to square one again. He had regrets. But regret is the outcome of mistakes we make and leave us wise. He decided to choose wisely from here on. No dating a woman with kids. He learnt to be cautious and not let himself too easy; otherwise it would land up like all the rest of the relationships. His life became radically different than what it was a few years ago. Work all week and just hang out with friends and family over the weekend. No bringing girls home. He wasn’t even looking for love. He was free from love but sex was part of the game. He was trying to find himself again. He felt lighter, lived lighter. As much as he loved and adored women, he felt he was done with women. I didn’t hint at signs of homosexuality. It’s been nearly a year and a half and he had no intention of being in a relationship anytime soon. He now knew what he wanted from a woman by this age. He was happy with how his career was shaping and felt his personal life will fall into place as well. And then a surprise named Neysa came in. Good Lord! Was I in trouble?

To be continued...